there’s always a point of time in our life when we have to decide whether we want to make it, or break it –or even go on with our life, or die.
mine came in 1982. it was the year when i entitled to vote, but i didn’t use mine in the general election that was held at the time. it was also part of a period when the mainstream music scene –except for the fact that michael jackson’s thriller was released and went on to be the greatest selling album of all time –was so dull, at least for me. (few bands i could accept easily, among others was the police.) it was the year when the world cup held in spain.
and it was also the year when, yes, mount galunggung in west java erupted.
i was in the middle of tumultuous period in my life. i just left school (it wasn’t that i finally finished my senior; i quit just like that) in jakarta. it was the second time –the first was in my hometown. school was frustrating me. i felt i’d nowhere to go, nor anything to do. it was as if i’d been beaten up by my adolescent process, which was… a bumpy one.
the worst of all was that i didn’t have friends anymore. well, there were guys i knew. but i wasn’t as interested to hanging out as i was before, and they were just the kind of guys of that thing. i needed friends of something else that would matters to my changing need –of a higher one, so to speak. my buddies were all that i needed. they knew me; i knew them. they were just the kind of friends who used their brains. but they had been left our hometown studying in the universities of their choices.
it was one of those moments when i played myself pink floyd’s wish you were here quite often. i happened to read it in the magazine that many pink floyd fans enjoyed the record while they smoked joint. but to me it was one of those medicines i took to find resort to.
of course, my situation was very much different from roger waters and friends of pink floyd when they wrote the song. they were at the peak of their career (dark side of the moon amazing success was still echoing), but somehow they felt lonely out of it and longed for their ex-band member syd barrett. i, on the contrary, was alone. and yet i always felt the song was (and still is, beside gentle giant’s three friends) the perfect healing.
i knew exactly the picture of my future would’ve been gloomy had i kept on with my nowhere-to-go, don’t-know-what-to-do attitude. i knew it well too i had to leave my hometown, again, if i wanted the better of me. i gotta stayed away from friends i didn’t want to meet. problem was: i just couldn’t find ways to move on. (smokie’s song what can i do sounded perfect to be the soundtrack of my situation.)
it’s difficult to recall now every detail of what happened during that time. many things came up one after another. and perhaps there’s been a kind of mental mode in me which make it difficult for things from that time to acquire a place in my memory. but one thing for sure my luck apparently hadn’t entirely gone. god was still on my side…. (man, i honestly have to say this.)
sometime during that time came one of my uncles. he knew in no time what happened to me.(well, maybe my father had spoken to him before.) he’d always been kind to us, his nephews. i wasn’t surprised when he offered me a way out of my problem. it was back to school, and it wasn’t in my hometown. that was just perfect. without any hesitation i jumped into the chance.
looking back on it, i’m glad i did make a right decision.